Marriage.

I know the Love that waits for me
Is a love so deep and pure I can't even really fathom it -
So I don't wonder about it anymore.
I know that what Life has in store for me
is wilder than my wildest dreams
Sits outside the boundaries of my imagination
And far exceeds anything I could possibly expect
So I don't do too much thinking of it anymore.

I know that it's out there, waiting

And each day that passes by is a day I get closer to it -

And my sense for it gets stronger daily -

So I've let go of looking for it.

I know that the Love that waits for me
Isn't meant for my full understanding
Some things need our acceptance, and nothing more;

When I'm ready to accept it,

I know that this Love will actually find me.

© 2009 Patricia B.

--
The process:

I've been having lots of conversations lately with my girlfriends about marriage... well, actually more about weddings than marriage but definitely on the topic of what it takes to be successful in marriage. I guess I'm just in the time of my life where these conversations are more prevalent - because they sure weren't a few years ago! Just now, as I thought of the prospect of me being married, the first line of that poem popped into my head. And then the rest just flowed out.

When I'm ready to accept it/ I know that this Love will actually find me.

I don't know why, but I'm not worried.

On Pride and its Place.

The biggest failures I have ever seen and experienced have always come about because someone could not let go of their pride. What's is its purpose? Where does pride really belong, if anywhere? It's good when we are proud of ourselves - our accomplishments, our acquisitions - right? But why does this even have an impact on the parts of our lives that have to do with other people?

***
Pride is what keeps a father and son from talking for 10 years or so because they argued and no one wants to say sorry, even when the son might be in danger of his life, unbeknownst to the father. The father's pride is so important that he doesn't even know that it has taken precedence over his interest in his son's life.

Pride is what keeps her from telling him she loves and misses him even though she already agreed that they should "see" other people while he works abroad. She doesn't want to look like a fool, she wants him to come to her on his own. All the while, he dates foreign girls and tells her all about it.

Pride is why it took him two years to admit that he was wrong for what he did to her and ask her for another chance - but much too late. Pride took precedence over his love for her, until the time when it didn't - and she had already let go of her love for him.

Pride is what kept the child of a mother starving to the point she became sickly, because the mother could not face up to her financial difficulties and ask for public assistance. She was raised to do it on her own. Pride was more important until the child nearly died.

Pride is what kept him unemployed for an entire year, wracked in debt. Pride in his master's degree took precedence over lower level jobs until he almost lost it all. His degree could not sustain food, water and shelter on its own.

Pride is what has kept a whole race/class of people down, because looking at themselves as at least a part of their problems would mean letting go of the pride attached to overcoming. They got too comfortable blaming someone else.

***
Pride, defined in the New Oxford American Dictionary as the consciousness of one's own dignity: is it a building block of the persona, or a brick wall to accessing the truly important things in our lives? Or both?
Should we even have any "pride" in or accomplishments and acquisitions? How important are they really in the scope of who we are?
If the things in which we take pride were to fall away - do we cease to exist?
I search for answers, because all around me there is suffering, and I find that the suffering would either cease to exist or at least remain undisturbed if someone (or many people's) pride were to crumble and fall.

***
I write this, not supposing that everything in our world must have utility, but with the belief that everything has its place. So really, what I need to know is why do we have pride, and what is it's proper place?

Consider it.

Place your bets.

To make a jackpot in the future, you have to place your bets in the present.
- Carrie Bradshaw.

It's possible that I get too much wisdom from watching Sex and the City. Or maybe not. But I was sitting here watching a repeat - the one where they go to Atlantic City for Charlotte's birthday - and Carrie's seemingly trite metaphor about going for what you want (one that I've heard every time I've seen this episode but never bothered to consider) inspired this lightbulb moment!


If you have faith in anything - including yourself - then you have some sort of belief in that thing/person/being about something that you can't yet see. And the faith is there, in part, because you believe that one day, you will see what you believe in. If you truly have faith, then it's likely that you act according to your faith - you'll invest time, energy, emotions, money, etc. because you believe that you will get some sort of result from the object of your faith.

Acting according to faith is a gamble.

You don't know what you're gonna get from "placing your bet" on the object of your faith. There's never any guarantee. Still, you believe that the bet is worth placing, because the jackpot is of tremendous value. It's worth the risk. So you act according to your faith - not by anything you can see.

We live by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1

I feel like a gambling addict. I've been doing SO MUCH these past few years, basing my actions, often, on my faith. And that faith is in God mostly - but also, in me, in my abilities, in my untapped potential. Like any gambling addict I've found myself in many tight situations - times when it seemed like I had nothing to gamble. Actually, I'm in one of those tight situations now... a situation that makes me question my faith. All these questions, and yet, I keep on rolling the dice.

If I'm interested in the future jackpot, the time to place my bet is always NOW.

28 Lessons Learned in 27 Years.

This is actually a continuation of a list of lessons learned that I wrote after I turned 25. Two years later and the life lessons just don't stop pouring in!

1. Anything worth having is worth working for until you get it. Even if you have to make multiple attempts, spend all kinds of money and time to get it - if it's worth having, it's worth the effort needed to get it. For example - I'm taking the bar exam in NY AGAIN. And it's totally worth the effort.
2. If I'm not willing to put in all the work and effort required to get something, then I probably don't want it or need it.
3. There is a distinction between what I want to do and what I have to do, but ultimately, I tend to treat them as the same. What I want to do is what I have to do, and what I have to do is what I want to do. This is an important part of how I stay driven.
4. Taking a step out on faith requires that you already have faith in place before you take that step.
5. Faith is all you really need to go for what you want out of life. Take a step towards what you want, even if you can't see the way towards it, and the way will be made for you.
5. Those who walk without faith will let you know about their lack of faith with their constant searching for earthly assurance.
6. The way to increase your faith is to stop looking for tangible, physical, earthly signs to show you the way. Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe. - Augustine of Hippo.
7. People who seriously lack in faith (in themselves, in the universe, etc.) drain and frustrate me.
8. Trying is acting with the intent to fail. I am learning to eliminate the word from my lexicon and the act from my life.
9. You never know just where, or how, you will find opportunities. Be open to every possibility. (Word to twitter!)
10. It's totally possible to create great friendships without ever being face to face with your friend - communication is key (Word to HER!)
11. The key to giving someone a great gift is to be attentive to their needs, likes and dislikes. The best gifts will meet the needs of the receiver, or at least their likes.
12. Your focus shapes your reality - to an extent. Your actions make up for the rest.
13. Doing what you love (which requires focus and action) only brings more of what you love. Why not just do what you love?
14. Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off the goal. - Vince Lombardi
15. When I look back at the past few years of my life and everything that I've done and experienced, I see where and how my accomplishments weren't my doing, but was God. I was never alone. God has always carried me through. (Word to Footprints In The Sand!)
16. It is totally possible to live without all the stuff I've accumulated in 27 years. I've always known that but I didn't know how I could. Recently I've had to actually live without being in possession of most the things I own and I've been just fine without them. I don't even miss most of them.
17. The way I have accumulated so much is a lack of mindfulness of my acquiring/spending habits. Mindfulness leads to freedom from possessions.
18. I enjoy organizing and planning. I should do it for a living.
19. I enjoy making people look nice. I should do it for a living.
20. I enjoy analyzing and writing and discussing the law. I need to pass the bar exam so I can be licensed to practice law!!
21. The object of life is not pursuing happiness - but growth. Happiness is merely but a result of growth.
22. Things are only difficult when we perceive them that way.
23. Actions speak louder than words, but actions can also undermine how we feel. People don't always act in accordance to their feelings - all kinds of other things can come into play to drive someone to behave a certain way.
24. Nothing exists but the here and now. As a result, I find that people who live bogged down in the past - who drag their pasts into their present and use it to determine their future - SUCK. I have no time for people like this.
25. Opinions are like assholes - we all got 'em and we all use 'em. No one's opinion on your life matters as much as yours, but there's nothing wrong with being impacted by another person's opinion on your life. Just gotta keep in mind the place of other people's opinions in your life (secondary!)
26. You can't hope for what you already have. And you shouldn't hope only for what appears to be in reach.
27. My friends are astounding people. ASTOUNDING. I'm always in awe.
28. The universe conspires to support you at all times. You just have to be open to receiving the support.

P.S. It's my birthday.

Style without limit.

Since writing the last post I've been doing a lot of thinking about my voice and I've decided that I don't need to figure that out just yet. I should let the voice develop as I go along and figure myself out. I'm sure it will come together. My reader will probably know my "voice" before I do.

In the midst of all this thinking of my voice I got to thinking about my style in general - which lead to thoughts of style, generally - which lead to my latest writing endeavor:

Style Without Limit.

I figured the concept was worth an endeavor. Let's see where this goes!