I would love it if all that I were concerned about this month was the bar exam.
I remember last July, about three weeks before the exam. Apart from my quotidian affairs, all I had to be concerned about was the bar exam. And three weeks before the exam, that's all I cared to be concerned about. And that's the way it really should be when preparing for any bar exam. There was absolutely nothing else in my world to think about - at all. Even my friends and family: as much as I love them, I didn't even have the space of mind required to miss them three weeks before I took the bar exam last summer. Just me and those two days. It's surreal when I think about how I was just consumed, only, by that one thing.
And I came so close. But close doesn't cut it.
So here I am again, three weeks before the bar exam. Again. This time, however, I would like to today to be three weeks before I pass the bar exam. I wonder if that will be the case, considering that this time around, I have SO much to be concerned about. Matters having to do with the basics of life - the things that some people actually take for granted and for others become serious pressing matters, because they're that important. These are things that actually come way before the bar exam and practicing law in terms of importance to my life. And practicing law is pretty high on the importance scale of my life.
But what do you do when you're back's against the wall?
In the past few weeks, I've learned that when faced with such a situation, I fight.
I've never fought so hard for so much in all my life.
In such a situation, I also take steps out on faith.
Life right now feels like walking on air. Not floating - but taking concrete steps on something that I can't see with my eyes.
It feels as crazy as it probably sounds - but then I remember this - something I've always believed but never have actually lived until now. And it seems less crazy.
Forget learning the law. I've just been learning about myself.
(If only I were a topic on the bar exam!)
When I first learned that I didn't pass the exam, I questioned - "Why me? Why do I have to go through this again?" And although there are times when I still wish that I passed over the summer, I am beginning to see just why.
Things are difficult, but I'm beginning to see that I actually needed this difficulty. Everything that happens has its purpose and you just have to trust that it's for the best.
And if you're so inclined, you trust in God.
"Good timber does not grow with ease; the stronger the wind, the stronger the trees."
- J. Willard Marriott
(Oh, and forgive the rambling nature of this post. I really just needed to let this out! I'd edit - but I really need to get back to work.)