On Pride and its Place.

The biggest failures I have ever seen and experienced have always come about because someone could not let go of their pride. What's is its purpose? Where does pride really belong, if anywhere? It's good when we are proud of ourselves - our accomplishments, our acquisitions - right? But why does this even have an impact on the parts of our lives that have to do with other people?

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Pride is what keeps a father and son from talking for 10 years or so because they argued and no one wants to say sorry, even when the son might be in danger of his life, unbeknownst to the father. The father's pride is so important that he doesn't even know that it has taken precedence over his interest in his son's life.

Pride is what keeps her from telling him she loves and misses him even though she already agreed that they should "see" other people while he works abroad. She doesn't want to look like a fool, she wants him to come to her on his own. All the while, he dates foreign girls and tells her all about it.

Pride is why it took him two years to admit that he was wrong for what he did to her and ask her for another chance - but much too late. Pride took precedence over his love for her, until the time when it didn't - and she had already let go of her love for him.

Pride is what kept the child of a mother starving to the point she became sickly, because the mother could not face up to her financial difficulties and ask for public assistance. She was raised to do it on her own. Pride was more important until the child nearly died.

Pride is what kept him unemployed for an entire year, wracked in debt. Pride in his master's degree took precedence over lower level jobs until he almost lost it all. His degree could not sustain food, water and shelter on its own.

Pride is what has kept a whole race/class of people down, because looking at themselves as at least a part of their problems would mean letting go of the pride attached to overcoming. They got too comfortable blaming someone else.

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Pride, defined in the New Oxford American Dictionary as the consciousness of one's own dignity: is it a building block of the persona, or a brick wall to accessing the truly important things in our lives? Or both?
Should we even have any "pride" in or accomplishments and acquisitions? How important are they really in the scope of who we are?
If the things in which we take pride were to fall away - do we cease to exist?
I search for answers, because all around me there is suffering, and I find that the suffering would either cease to exist or at least remain undisturbed if someone (or many people's) pride were to crumble and fall.

***
I write this, not supposing that everything in our world must have utility, but with the belief that everything has its place. So really, what I need to know is why do we have pride, and what is it's proper place?

Consider it.

No gun in my face.

There's a difference between being afraid of the gun in your face, and being afraid of the possibility for a gun to be put in your face. The former: a response based on present reality - a response based on the circumstances currently in your existence, in the moment. The latter: a response based on an abstraction of the mind - a response to what could be, what might not ever be.

Between the two, which one is really worth the stress - the taxing of emotions - that comes with being afraid?

Usually when I let my mind imagine what it would be like to not pass the exam, I respond based on whatever comes to mind with fear. I was just sitting here thinking about that response and it dawned on me - what am I really afraid of? Is it worth a response of fear?

In the present moment, I'm sitting in my bed with my laptop in my lap, typing out my thoughts. I'm completely comfortable. If I weren't comfortable with this laptop-in-bed situation I could do something to help it - NOW. Sure, something in the next moment could happen that I wouldn't want to happen - but worrying about what could happen in the future does nothing to help me out NOW.

Same with the exam, or any future event. Nothing wrong with being concerned about the future, working right now to make sure things go well in the future - but nothing in the future is worth being afraid.

Word to Jesus.

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Dontcha just love it when you have one of those moments - where something in your head just snaps, clicks, buzzes, lights up (you know?) - and things just become CLEAR - where life just starts to LOOK different? Yup. Call it inspiration. And motivation for this post.

28 Lessons Learned in 27 Years.

This is actually a continuation of a list of lessons learned that I wrote after I turned 25. Two years later and the life lessons just don't stop pouring in!

1. Anything worth having is worth working for until you get it. Even if you have to make multiple attempts, spend all kinds of money and time to get it - if it's worth having, it's worth the effort needed to get it. For example - I'm taking the bar exam in NY AGAIN. And it's totally worth the effort.
2. If I'm not willing to put in all the work and effort required to get something, then I probably don't want it or need it.
3. There is a distinction between what I want to do and what I have to do, but ultimately, I tend to treat them as the same. What I want to do is what I have to do, and what I have to do is what I want to do. This is an important part of how I stay driven.
4. Taking a step out on faith requires that you already have faith in place before you take that step.
5. Faith is all you really need to go for what you want out of life. Take a step towards what you want, even if you can't see the way towards it, and the way will be made for you.
5. Those who walk without faith will let you know about their lack of faith with their constant searching for earthly assurance.
6. The way to increase your faith is to stop looking for tangible, physical, earthly signs to show you the way. Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe. - Augustine of Hippo.
7. People who seriously lack in faith (in themselves, in the universe, etc.) drain and frustrate me.
8. Trying is acting with the intent to fail. I am learning to eliminate the word from my lexicon and the act from my life.
9. You never know just where, or how, you will find opportunities. Be open to every possibility. (Word to twitter!)
10. It's totally possible to create great friendships without ever being face to face with your friend - communication is key (Word to HER!)
11. The key to giving someone a great gift is to be attentive to their needs, likes and dislikes. The best gifts will meet the needs of the receiver, or at least their likes.
12. Your focus shapes your reality - to an extent. Your actions make up for the rest.
13. Doing what you love (which requires focus and action) only brings more of what you love. Why not just do what you love?
14. Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off the goal. - Vince Lombardi
15. When I look back at the past few years of my life and everything that I've done and experienced, I see where and how my accomplishments weren't my doing, but was God. I was never alone. God has always carried me through. (Word to Footprints In The Sand!)
16. It is totally possible to live without all the stuff I've accumulated in 27 years. I've always known that but I didn't know how I could. Recently I've had to actually live without being in possession of most the things I own and I've been just fine without them. I don't even miss most of them.
17. The way I have accumulated so much is a lack of mindfulness of my acquiring/spending habits. Mindfulness leads to freedom from possessions.
18. I enjoy organizing and planning. I should do it for a living.
19. I enjoy making people look nice. I should do it for a living.
20. I enjoy analyzing and writing and discussing the law. I need to pass the bar exam so I can be licensed to practice law!!
21. The object of life is not pursuing happiness - but growth. Happiness is merely but a result of growth.
22. Things are only difficult when we perceive them that way.
23. Actions speak louder than words, but actions can also undermine how we feel. People don't always act in accordance to their feelings - all kinds of other things can come into play to drive someone to behave a certain way.
24. Nothing exists but the here and now. As a result, I find that people who live bogged down in the past - who drag their pasts into their present and use it to determine their future - SUCK. I have no time for people like this.
25. Opinions are like assholes - we all got 'em and we all use 'em. No one's opinion on your life matters as much as yours, but there's nothing wrong with being impacted by another person's opinion on your life. Just gotta keep in mind the place of other people's opinions in your life (secondary!)
26. You can't hope for what you already have. And you shouldn't hope only for what appears to be in reach.
27. My friends are astounding people. ASTOUNDING. I'm always in awe.
28. The universe conspires to support you at all times. You just have to be open to receiving the support.

P.S. It's my birthday.