I would love it if all that I were concerned about this month was the bar exam.
I remember last July, about three weeks before the exam. Apart from my quotidian affairs, all I had to be concerned about was the bar exam. And three weeks before the exam, that's all I cared to be concerned about. And that's the way it really should be when preparing for any bar exam. There was absolutely nothing else in my world to think about - at all. Even my friends and family: as much as I love them, I didn't even have the space of mind required to miss them three weeks before I took the bar exam last summer. Just me and those two days. It's surreal when I think about how I was just consumed, only, by that one thing.
And I came so close. But close doesn't cut it.
So here I am again, three weeks before the bar exam. Again. This time, however, I would like to today to be three weeks before I pass the bar exam. I wonder if that will be the case, considering that this time around, I have SO much to be concerned about. Matters having to do with the basics of life - the things that some people actually take for granted and for others become serious pressing matters, because they're that important. These are things that actually come way before the bar exam and practicing law in terms of importance to my life. And practicing law is pretty high on the importance scale of my life.
But what do you do when you're back's against the wall?
In the past few weeks, I've learned that when faced with such a situation, I fight.
I've never fought so hard for so much in all my life.
In such a situation, I also take steps out on faith.
Life right now feels like walking on air. Not floating - but taking concrete steps on something that I can't see with my eyes.
It feels as crazy as it probably sounds - but then I remember this - something I've always believed but never have actually lived until now. And it seems less crazy.
Forget learning the law. I've just been learning about myself.
(If only I were a topic on the bar exam!)
When I first learned that I didn't pass the exam, I questioned - "Why me? Why do I have to go through this again?" And although there are times when I still wish that I passed over the summer, I am beginning to see just why.
Things are difficult, but I'm beginning to see that I actually needed this difficulty. Everything that happens has its purpose and you just have to trust that it's for the best.
And if you're so inclined, you trust in God.
"Good timber does not grow with ease; the stronger the wind, the stronger the trees."
- J. Willard Marriott
(Oh, and forgive the rambling nature of this post. I really just needed to let this out! I'd edit - but I really need to get back to work.)
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Baby steps. (2008 in review)
I had been thinking of an appropriate way of summing up 2008 all throughout its last few days and could come up with nothing! I figured I'd just leave my annual New Year's walk down Old Year Memory Lane alone this year, and then I came across this clip. So appropriate!
powered by Splicd.com
In 2007 I set a number of clear goals that I wanted for my life and positioned myself mentally to achieve them. It was also the year I commenced some very serious introspection and began to visualize what I wanted my life to be. This was the year I was introduced to the law of attraction and the year I began to understand how it worked in my life and could work in my life. I would say that 2007 was the year of foundation, and 2008 was the year of the baby steps taken towards realizing my goals.
Aww. I just read the last sentence in the previous paragraph. Sounds nice doesn't it? Taking baby steps towards my dreams for 366 days (remember 2008 was a leap year!) is a nice thing - a great thing really - and I'm proud to say that it's the truth. Every single freaking day of 2008 I was concerned with turning my visions into reality and how I would get that done. That, in itself is an accomplishment - a natural accomplishment for someone who is as serious as I am about turning my visions into reality. And so those baby steps towards my dreams were great but there were so many times that they sure as hell didn't feel great!! There were many days when it felt crappy. I accomplished some things but the hurdles I had to jump to get over the hurdles were quite high. But, I accomplished them.
One of the things I love about writing is that I can start out with one goal in mind for the piece and as the words flow, my idea for the piece evolves into something else. I started out writing this post thinking I'd post the video above about baby steps and connect the baby steps theme to a list of things I've learned, accomplished and gained in 2008. I've changed my mind and now I'm gonna run with this metaphor a bit (because you don't really need to know ALL my business, do you?). The way my mind can change while writing a piece is a lot like what happens as I pursue a dream - as I pursue, the dream can change. I found that this happened in 2008 in a tremendous way in two major areas of my life:
Career. The long story short of why I decided to become an attorney is that I want a career of service, helping people in a way they may not be able to help themselves, and making my love of words, writing and communication an important part of that career. I was actually inspired by reading this book to pursue the law - and all throughout law school the dream of being an attorney seemed to be pretty fixed in the arts. I wouldn't say that completely changed in 2008, but this year the dream morphed a bit - and now I want to pursue a career in the law that will lead me to working with education law and policy.
As a creative soul, there's no way I wouldn't be interested in working in the law as it relates to all creative outlets and it means something that during my time in law school, I kept attracting these sorts of opportunities and kept on meeting/dating other creative souls. But I feel passionate about education and the law - I think I always have but it didn't become clear to me until a couple of months ago - and the policy bit - yea. That's definitely new. The dream to be an attorney is still there - but it's taken on this whole new look.
Health. I've been wanting to lose weight since I was a little girl and my older cousins taunted me for being fat. True story. The why and the how I wanted to lose weight has changed quite a bit since then and in 2008, I suddenly added a "what" dimension to this whole thing - marathon running! I get all nervous and butterfly-filled just thinking about it. I think on this one the baby step came in making the decision to run one. It occured to me years ago that it would be something good to do but I'd always quickly discard the thought. Ms. YCV in full effect. In the summer of 2008, after making it through the marathon that is studying for the bar exam, it occurred to me that I should ignore Ms. YCV and go for it.
2008 was a rough year for me emotionally - full of highs and lows - but I kept on moving towards what I want for my life. As a typical Taurus, I move slow. Baby steps fall right in line with my natural way of getting things done. But you know what they say about the slow and steady types.
If you don't, I suggest you stay tuned.
powered by Splicd.com
In 2007 I set a number of clear goals that I wanted for my life and positioned myself mentally to achieve them. It was also the year I commenced some very serious introspection and began to visualize what I wanted my life to be. This was the year I was introduced to the law of attraction and the year I began to understand how it worked in my life and could work in my life. I would say that 2007 was the year of foundation, and 2008 was the year of the baby steps taken towards realizing my goals.
Aww. I just read the last sentence in the previous paragraph. Sounds nice doesn't it? Taking baby steps towards my dreams for 366 days (remember 2008 was a leap year!) is a nice thing - a great thing really - and I'm proud to say that it's the truth. Every single freaking day of 2008 I was concerned with turning my visions into reality and how I would get that done. That, in itself is an accomplishment - a natural accomplishment for someone who is as serious as I am about turning my visions into reality. And so those baby steps towards my dreams were great but there were so many times that they sure as hell didn't feel great!! There were many days when it felt crappy. I accomplished some things but the hurdles I had to jump to get over the hurdles were quite high. But, I accomplished them.
One of the things I love about writing is that I can start out with one goal in mind for the piece and as the words flow, my idea for the piece evolves into something else. I started out writing this post thinking I'd post the video above about baby steps and connect the baby steps theme to a list of things I've learned, accomplished and gained in 2008. I've changed my mind and now I'm gonna run with this metaphor a bit (because you don't really need to know ALL my business, do you?). The way my mind can change while writing a piece is a lot like what happens as I pursue a dream - as I pursue, the dream can change. I found that this happened in 2008 in a tremendous way in two major areas of my life:
Career. The long story short of why I decided to become an attorney is that I want a career of service, helping people in a way they may not be able to help themselves, and making my love of words, writing and communication an important part of that career. I was actually inspired by reading this book to pursue the law - and all throughout law school the dream of being an attorney seemed to be pretty fixed in the arts. I wouldn't say that completely changed in 2008, but this year the dream morphed a bit - and now I want to pursue a career in the law that will lead me to working with education law and policy.
As a creative soul, there's no way I wouldn't be interested in working in the law as it relates to all creative outlets and it means something that during my time in law school, I kept attracting these sorts of opportunities and kept on meeting/dating other creative souls. But I feel passionate about education and the law - I think I always have but it didn't become clear to me until a couple of months ago - and the policy bit - yea. That's definitely new. The dream to be an attorney is still there - but it's taken on this whole new look.
Health. I've been wanting to lose weight since I was a little girl and my older cousins taunted me for being fat. True story. The why and the how I wanted to lose weight has changed quite a bit since then and in 2008, I suddenly added a "what" dimension to this whole thing - marathon running! I get all nervous and butterfly-filled just thinking about it. I think on this one the baby step came in making the decision to run one. It occured to me years ago that it would be something good to do but I'd always quickly discard the thought. Ms. YCV in full effect. In the summer of 2008, after making it through the marathon that is studying for the bar exam, it occurred to me that I should ignore Ms. YCV and go for it.
2008 was a rough year for me emotionally - full of highs and lows - but I kept on moving towards what I want for my life. As a typical Taurus, I move slow. Baby steps fall right in line with my natural way of getting things done. But you know what they say about the slow and steady types.
If you don't, I suggest you stay tuned.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
All I want for 2009.
So I was talking to a friend earlier this evening and she mentioned that she wanted to get something done by New Year's Eve. I was all like, "Girl, you got plenty of time to get it done!" thinking that New Year's Eve was like a month away. Right. Clearly, I was wrong because New Years Eve is 10 days away (which isn't really much time for my friend to do what she wants to do)! I don't know how I managed to get this close to the end of the year without realizing it.
2008 isn't over yet, but thus far, it's been a rough year. So it's nice, as I take a break from studying for the bar exam, to think about all I want for the next year, such as (in no particular order):
1. Passing the bar exam/getting my license to practice.
2008 isn't over yet, but thus far, it's been a rough year. So it's nice, as I take a break from studying for the bar exam, to think about all I want for the next year, such as (in no particular order):
1. Passing the bar exam/getting my license to practice.
And when I mean passing the bar exam, I mean to say that when I sit for the bar exam in New York on February 24 and 25, 2009, I will produce responses that let the New York State Board of Law Examiners know that I am competent to be an attorney and accordingly, they give me a score higher than a 665 (or whatever the passing score will be). And then passing the character and fitness assessment. And then whatever hoop they want me to jump through.
*Sigh*
The young man pictured to the left is Thurgood Marshall, one of the greats in American jurisprudence and a source of inspiration as I pursue my legal career. The work that he and other attorneys did with the NAACP LDF has much to do with how I was even able to obtain the level of education I've obtained! When I read things he's written (court decisions, case briefs, etc.) and about other things he did in his career for people of color, I can't help but to feel that 1 - I belong in the legal profession and 2- he's my forefather and that it's up to me to carry on the legacy in my own special way.
Kinda hard to do that without a license to practice law though.
2. Land my first career position.
*Sigh*
The young man pictured to the left is Thurgood Marshall, one of the greats in American jurisprudence and a source of inspiration as I pursue my legal career. The work that he and other attorneys did with the NAACP LDF has much to do with how I was even able to obtain the level of education I've obtained! When I read things he's written (court decisions, case briefs, etc.) and about other things he did in his career for people of color, I can't help but to feel that 1 - I belong in the legal profession and 2- he's my forefather and that it's up to me to carry on the legacy in my own special way.
Kinda hard to do that without a license to practice law though.
2. Land my first career position.
(From the September 2007 issue of Vogue).
So I'm currently working in my first job out of law school. It's a temporary gig and so far it's been a great learning experience but it isn't my first career position, at all. In 2009 (early 2009) I'd like to work in the first job where I'm doing work that is identifiably the work of an attorney. Since it'd be my first job, and also due to the nature of legal work, there is bound to be parts of this job that will not be identifiably the work of an attorney, and that's fine. But I would like to have a job that makes use of the full extent of reasoning, analytical, writing and research skills I gained while earning my JD and puts those skills to good use. And I would like that position to be what positions me on the road to greatness in my career, much like the story of Lady O, above. (And please note, she would not have ever been Mrs. Obama if she wasn't the greatness that she was then and still is.)
I'm sure it won't be easy, but we weren't put here for comfort - but for greatness, for good.
3. 702 sounds a lot better explaining this one.
I came across this oldie but goodie from the Goodburger soundtrack recently and realized that they were singing MY song. Listening to it again right now and I realize that what they're singing about isn't ALL that I want, but it's definitely a start. And I'd like for it to start in 2009.
4. 80 pounds lost and never to be found again.
It's about my health mainly. Apart from that - it's a little bit about making some haters feel bad about themselves (honestly, NOT the best reason, but honestly, the truth). It's also demonstrating to others, and myself, that what seems inconceivable to do can be done, that the extremely difficult is doable, nevertheless . It's also about getting into this dress:
Generation Mini Dress by BCBG. $132 , Newport News.
So I got this dress with a pretty good discount (score!) and I have to say that it looks better in person than online. I can't wait to wear it sometime next year!
5. Running in a marathon.
Not sure which marathon. NYC's marthon would be cool. I just want to run in one. And be in the right shape to run in one. This one is inextricably linked to #4. And it's just about proving it to myself that I can do it.
6. Organizing my life.
They say dull women have immaculate homes. If so, then I might be the most interesting woman anyone has ever met.
I'd show you a picture but it might scare you. And I wouldn't want to do that. Just know I'm really not fussy about things like this, so if I have a problem with it, then it is REALLY bad. I find that my room often reflects my state of my life- and so if you see my room, you will know just how much stuff I have going on. Things are hectic and my room reflects it. I think in March, when the exam is behind me, I will have to organize my room to start the process of organizing my life.
7. Eliminating my credit card debt.
So I basically took out a mortgage for my education (and please believe one's degree is actually their property) so I will have that piece of debt for a lil while. The consumer debt in my name, however, will be eliminated in 2009. Somehow, I will have to find a way to knock that out and pay my loans on time. And I will find that way and execute the plan in 2009.
8. Improving my finances overall.
This means improving my credit score (nowhere to go but up at this point), eliminating my consumer debt (see above), saving SOMETHING (hard to do that when you have loans to pay back, but where there's a will and a plan...) and finding extra sources of income apart from my first career job (see above). I signed up for Mint.com's services and I think this site will be key to my success.
9. Getting published.
Not sure what and not sure how, but I intend for 2009 to be the year that some publication features something written by me. I actually have seen my name in a by-line (in college) but since rediscovering my love for writing (long story!) I have been dreaming of actually writing something (preferably something creative) and having some publication say that they'd love to include it with whatever else they do.
I'm sure if I had the time, I could come up with a couple of other things to add to the list. I think this list is a pretty good start though. One great thing I learned in 2008 is that when it comes to goals and ambition - listing, planning, executing, focusing and such is all important and necessary, but so is trusting in God (or the Universe, if you prefer) that it will happen. And with all I have experienced in my life, and in this year alone (crazy times!) my trust in God is stronger than ever.
I'm sure it won't be easy, but we weren't put here for comfort - but for greatness, for good.
3. 702 sounds a lot better explaining this one.
I came across this oldie but goodie from the Goodburger soundtrack recently and realized that they were singing MY song. Listening to it again right now and I realize that what they're singing about isn't ALL that I want, but it's definitely a start. And I'd like for it to start in 2009.
4. 80 pounds lost and never to be found again.
It's about my health mainly. Apart from that - it's a little bit about making some haters feel bad about themselves (honestly, NOT the best reason, but honestly, the truth). It's also demonstrating to others, and myself, that what seems inconceivable to do can be done, that the extremely difficult is doable, nevertheless . It's also about getting into this dress:
Generation Mini Dress by BCBG. $132 , Newport News.
So I got this dress with a pretty good discount (score!) and I have to say that it looks better in person than online. I can't wait to wear it sometime next year!
5. Running in a marathon.
Not sure which marathon. NYC's marthon would be cool. I just want to run in one. And be in the right shape to run in one. This one is inextricably linked to #4. And it's just about proving it to myself that I can do it.
6. Organizing my life.
They say dull women have immaculate homes. If so, then I might be the most interesting woman anyone has ever met.
I'd show you a picture but it might scare you. And I wouldn't want to do that. Just know I'm really not fussy about things like this, so if I have a problem with it, then it is REALLY bad. I find that my room often reflects my state of my life- and so if you see my room, you will know just how much stuff I have going on. Things are hectic and my room reflects it. I think in March, when the exam is behind me, I will have to organize my room to start the process of organizing my life.
7. Eliminating my credit card debt.
So I basically took out a mortgage for my education (and please believe one's degree is actually their property) so I will have that piece of debt for a lil while. The consumer debt in my name, however, will be eliminated in 2009. Somehow, I will have to find a way to knock that out and pay my loans on time. And I will find that way and execute the plan in 2009.
8. Improving my finances overall.
This means improving my credit score (nowhere to go but up at this point), eliminating my consumer debt (see above), saving SOMETHING (hard to do that when you have loans to pay back, but where there's a will and a plan...) and finding extra sources of income apart from my first career job (see above). I signed up for Mint.com's services and I think this site will be key to my success.
9. Getting published.
Not sure what and not sure how, but I intend for 2009 to be the year that some publication features something written by me. I actually have seen my name in a by-line (in college) but since rediscovering my love for writing (long story!) I have been dreaming of actually writing something (preferably something creative) and having some publication say that they'd love to include it with whatever else they do.
I'm sure if I had the time, I could come up with a couple of other things to add to the list. I think this list is a pretty good start though. One great thing I learned in 2008 is that when it comes to goals and ambition - listing, planning, executing, focusing and such is all important and necessary, but so is trusting in God (or the Universe, if you prefer) that it will happen. And with all I have experienced in my life, and in this year alone (crazy times!) my trust in God is stronger than ever.
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