Lost.

Am I supposed to have this feeling?
My feeling about this feeling feels wrong
(If that makes any sense)
And maybe it doesn't make sense because
I'm lost
And life looks like panels of incongruence
Nothing fits
Just fits of inconsistency
Barraging me constantly
It's more than a shake up
I suppose it's just time that I wake up
To reality
Whatever that's supposed to be
Though it doesn't amount to much
more than what I perceive
So what, or who, should I believe?
How am I supposed to find my way
When the way actually doesn't exist?
And... that's the trick.
My righteous path
(Please note, not the path to righteousness)
But the right path
Will not be provided to me
And its not preformed
And paved in concrete
So maybe feeling lost
Is just the start of me
Creating the way
To find my right self.

© 2010 Patricia B.

Dedicated to anyone and everyone having a "moment." Kinda like I am right now.

I'm just gonna say that I've reached a point where I see how I've stalled and maybe even sabotaged my own progress and... yea. This poem just leaped out of me. I don't even know if it's any good, but writing it has helped me reach some perspective in my situation and helped me understand what needs to be done "to find my right self."

Whatever that could mean!

Dear Tomorrow:

Today was not all I hoped it would be.

Though I made the best of my situation... really. 

But as I close the day, reviewing all that went on

All that I did well,

All that went wrong,

I wonder if it's probably best 

to leave what has passed behind me. 

Tomorrow, there's so many things I need and want to do.

I have this list of goals just ready.

And I'm hoping by the time you depart

I'll be closer to one of them, maybe two. 

It might not seem that ambitious, but Tomorrow, to me

You're the realization of my potentiality. 

And when I consider that you'll become Today

I wonder if your existence means

I'll get a bit closer to living my dreams.

© 2010 Patricia B.

It's a thin line...

After a significant argument with my significant other a few hours ago I find myself walking that thin line so famously discussed by the Persuaders. I've found myself here before - with him, and with one or two before him - and I'm always awed when I realize that there could really be this line between love and hate. It's the kind of line that, if I'm on it, feels like I'm walking a tight rope of tension - though there's no safety net waiting for me below.

Love and hate: two very powerful emotions - and the idea that they are simply emotions is even arguable. I find love and hate to be more action based than anything else - the feeling is sometimes the cause of the action, sometimes the effect of the action but you can't have the emotion without the action, I think. And, therefore, to think I could hate and love my SO with the same amount of deliberate action and the same strength of emotion... baffles me.

But here I am. No safety net.  It reminds me that love, whether it be an emotion or action, often involves taking a risk. Regardless of the outcome, the risk has proven to be worth it.  I've fallen and broken some bones (because I fell off the thin line before!) but I healed, and I moved on.  The thin line presents a tense tightrope on which to walk, though.  Ugh.